Its been said that the biggest cause of depression is "Unmet expectations"... and I can't disagree with that, but on the flip side, what causes "Unmet expectations?"
I believe unmet expectation a most often caused by a lack of communication.
Today my wife and I spent 20 minutes just trying to communicate the meaning of two sentences... The one SHE thought I was saying, and the one I thought I was saying.
Likewise, I just had a conversation with someone that I am entirely certain didn't understand what I was trying to communicate. The person was very offended and upset when, I believe, had they understood, they would have laughed at the very thought of what I was trying to communicate.
Continuing the examples, communication seems to be the #1 problem up and down the food chain in my company... In fact, I've never seen a company that didn't struggle to communicate inside their hierarchy.
In my infinite, well thought out and planned way, I will answer the question that I have indirectly left hanging, "How do we communicate better so that we are communicating better?"
Answer: I DON'T KNOW!!! When you figure it out, tell me.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Holiday Spirit
The last few weeks I have made a concerted effort to be full of Holiday cheer.
I remember several years ago feeling "the magic" or "the Holiday Spirit" so strongly that I knew that Christmas changed the heart of people for a few simple weeks a year to truly improve mankind.
Since that Christmas, I've succumb to the "rat race"... Present, cards, gifts, commerce, etc. The Holiday's has been a time to fight back and try not to go crazy worrying about getting "enough" or "good enough" presents for the myriad of people who I'm supposed to give gifts to.
This year things are more complicated than ever. I now actually have a child of my own who I don't want to feel that she does without. The pocketbook isn't as loose because Lisa isn't working any more, and my workload has only increased exponentially in the past 6 months.
Oddly enough, it was a combination of my daughter's innocents, and commercialism that have driven me to my current euphoria.
December 1st we went tree shopping, on December 2nd we put the lights on the tree and decorated the house. That night as we tried to put our little lightning bolt to bed, was walked her through the house... Lights off, intending to show her "See, Sarah, the house is saying 'ni-night' to you." I met with the all to common realization that Little Sarah was teaching me that night. She put her head against my chest, but she didn't sleep. She stared in wonder at the hundreds of tiny lights that graced our plant shelves, mantel, and tree. she was caught up in the nutcracker, and Christmas dolls that adorn our house. She felt the wonder that I had lost.
I resolved that night to lay aside the things that get in the way of the magic. Lisa and Sarah have been my focus. We have made a wreath as a family, shopped together, laughed together, watched Christmas movies, played games, sang carols. Every night I find myself rushing home excited to see what we've got planned for tonight.
I'm finding it more fun to hold hands with Lisa, to stand outside and look at our house and its "light bill suicide". How can you want to do anything than spread that magic?
I remember several years ago feeling "the magic" or "the Holiday Spirit" so strongly that I knew that Christmas changed the heart of people for a few simple weeks a year to truly improve mankind.
Since that Christmas, I've succumb to the "rat race"... Present, cards, gifts, commerce, etc. The Holiday's has been a time to fight back and try not to go crazy worrying about getting "enough" or "good enough" presents for the myriad of people who I'm supposed to give gifts to.
This year things are more complicated than ever. I now actually have a child of my own who I don't want to feel that she does without. The pocketbook isn't as loose because Lisa isn't working any more, and my workload has only increased exponentially in the past 6 months.
Oddly enough, it was a combination of my daughter's innocents, and commercialism that have driven me to my current euphoria.
December 1st we went tree shopping, on December 2nd we put the lights on the tree and decorated the house. That night as we tried to put our little lightning bolt to bed, was walked her through the house... Lights off, intending to show her "See, Sarah, the house is saying 'ni-night' to you." I met with the all to common realization that Little Sarah was teaching me that night. She put her head against my chest, but she didn't sleep. She stared in wonder at the hundreds of tiny lights that graced our plant shelves, mantel, and tree. she was caught up in the nutcracker, and Christmas dolls that adorn our house. She felt the wonder that I had lost.
I resolved that night to lay aside the things that get in the way of the magic. Lisa and Sarah have been my focus. We have made a wreath as a family, shopped together, laughed together, watched Christmas movies, played games, sang carols. Every night I find myself rushing home excited to see what we've got planned for tonight.
I'm finding it more fun to hold hands with Lisa, to stand outside and look at our house and its "light bill suicide". How can you want to do anything than spread that magic?
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Holiday Cheer
Today I have to be glad that my readership is dedicated to no more than 4 loyal readers and very few other infrequent readers.
Yesterday was the big "Get Christmas Going!!!" day in the Miller home... I mean, THE WORKS!!! The Tree shopping, lights on the house, decorations, holly berries, pine cones, window decor.. You name it.
It wasn't such an expensive day because we bought everything last year, right??? RIGHT!!!! (Read in the Sarcasm).
After putting up everything from last year... We had to put in "what we didn't but Wanted to put in last year"... Two new strings of lights, a power cord, and various odds and ends later, we started on a new WREATH(?!!!)
The holiday's NEVER are without new additions.
So, the HUNT: (Here is where I'm glad my readership is small).
Lisa and I didn't have a christmas tree our first Christmas married... With a wopping income of $400 a month, and rent of $460, (Not to mention groceries, gas, and miscellaneous expense), we felt it wouldn't be prudent to buy a tree. So instead we bought 1 string of Christmas lights and made the shape of a christmas tree (with tape to hold the lights in place) on the wall of our one bedroom apartment. MAN DO I MISS POVERTY!!!!
On year two Lisa and I recalled the dreaded 6 hour hunt for a Christmas tree, an old Chidsey tradition that sounds neat until you realize that the Chidsey Family lives in Downtown SANDY UTAH!!!! We aren't talking about treking up the mountains to find the perfect specimen of Christmas... No, just trapsing in and out of the minivan going from tree lot to tree lot and arguing the fullness, price, and size of every tree in the lot... Only to finally get so cold you just "Point and Pay" so you can get your grumpy self back to the house and try to warm up before you die of hypothermia.
Lisa and I dedicated ourselves to the "One stop, HAPPY SHOP"... That is to say, we buy at the ONLY tree lot we stop at, and we try to keep "Jack Frost's nipping" down to a 20 minute ordeal (that includes cutting and strapping).
We made an exception this year by visiting a second, LARGER tree lot owned and operated by the same people as the first tree lot we visited this year... (Same ownership is our excuse for visiting local #2).
Still, at 10.5 minutes we had a tree picked out and we argued "Are you sure that will fit in our front room, Bill?"
"Sure, its the same price, size, shape, and fullness as the tree we got last year"
So, strap it, mortgage your first born, and off to hot cocoa we go...
When we got it into the house, it was 1.333 times the price, 1.333 times the size, and 1.333 times the fullness of last years tree... (Did I mention that it's GORGEOUS????)
So, I don't have a front room this year, but Christmas will be HAPPY anyway.
By the time we finished yesterday, I had the frostbite, the lights, the tree, the bankruptcy filing, and a WHOLE LOAD OF CHRISTMAS CHEER!!!!
Yesterday was the big "Get Christmas Going!!!" day in the Miller home... I mean, THE WORKS!!! The Tree shopping, lights on the house, decorations, holly berries, pine cones, window decor.. You name it.
It wasn't such an expensive day because we bought everything last year, right??? RIGHT!!!! (Read in the Sarcasm).
After putting up everything from last year... We had to put in "what we didn't but Wanted to put in last year"... Two new strings of lights, a power cord, and various odds and ends later, we started on a new WREATH(?!!!)
The holiday's NEVER are without new additions.
So, the HUNT: (Here is where I'm glad my readership is small).
Lisa and I didn't have a christmas tree our first Christmas married... With a wopping income of $400 a month, and rent of $460, (Not to mention groceries, gas, and miscellaneous expense), we felt it wouldn't be prudent to buy a tree. So instead we bought 1 string of Christmas lights and made the shape of a christmas tree (with tape to hold the lights in place) on the wall of our one bedroom apartment. MAN DO I MISS POVERTY!!!!
On year two Lisa and I recalled the dreaded 6 hour hunt for a Christmas tree, an old Chidsey tradition that sounds neat until you realize that the Chidsey Family lives in Downtown SANDY UTAH!!!! We aren't talking about treking up the mountains to find the perfect specimen of Christmas... No, just trapsing in and out of the minivan going from tree lot to tree lot and arguing the fullness, price, and size of every tree in the lot... Only to finally get so cold you just "Point and Pay" so you can get your grumpy self back to the house and try to warm up before you die of hypothermia.
Lisa and I dedicated ourselves to the "One stop, HAPPY SHOP"... That is to say, we buy at the ONLY tree lot we stop at, and we try to keep "Jack Frost's nipping" down to a 20 minute ordeal (that includes cutting and strapping).
We made an exception this year by visiting a second, LARGER tree lot owned and operated by the same people as the first tree lot we visited this year... (Same ownership is our excuse for visiting local #2).
Still, at 10.5 minutes we had a tree picked out and we argued "Are you sure that will fit in our front room, Bill?"
"Sure, its the same price, size, shape, and fullness as the tree we got last year"
So, strap it, mortgage your first born, and off to hot cocoa we go...
When we got it into the house, it was 1.333 times the price, 1.333 times the size, and 1.333 times the fullness of last years tree... (Did I mention that it's GORGEOUS????)
So, I don't have a front room this year, but Christmas will be HAPPY anyway.
By the time we finished yesterday, I had the frostbite, the lights, the tree, the bankruptcy filing, and a WHOLE LOAD OF CHRISTMAS CHEER!!!!
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Anger
We had a lesson Sunday on the talk given by (I believe) President Faust in the May conference regarding Anger. In that talk he retold the story of the milk man and the Amish community. (Quick recap: The milk man one day went into the little Amish school, released the boys and the teachers then shot all 10 girls killing 5 and wounding the other five. He then killed himself).
They talk about all the christian displays of forgiveness as the Amish community frankly forgave and even comforted the family of the milk man. I am impressed and very inspired by that little community.
HOWEVER
If you have been following the police case about "Baby Grace". I can't help but be angry.
(Another recap: "Baby Grace" is the unidentified 2 year old found in a plastic box in a bay in Texas. The police believed they found the parents, and the mother has admitted to tourturing and killing the little girl.)
I understand that regardless of my justification in being angry, I should let go my anger and forgive the parents of that little girl for what they did. Furthermore, they have not done ANYTHING directly to me or any of my loved ones.
That being said, I am a father, and my concience, beliefs, and love for my own little girl seem to require my outrage toward those people.
There are days when my little angel ponies up next to my ear and screems at the top of her lungs, or throws food on the floor even though she knows better, or tries to eat things that aren't intended for the digestion system, etc.
I admit, my brain has been rattled from time to time by my little Sarah. But NOTHING as come close to making me WANT to harm her.
Even the "Shaking Baby" syndrome is based on a parent wanting to stop a childs suffering, not inflict more suffering on the child.
The whole incident reminds me of the scripture "For can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee, O house of Israel. " (1st Nephi 21:15)
I've wondered since Sarah arrived in our arms, how could a woman forget her child? How could any parent not be willing to lay down their life for a child... Any child, let alone their own.
And here we have an example of a young mother participating in the actual distruction of her own child's life.
I haven't reached perfection, I know that because I want to punish the murderers. I want them to feel the pain they inflicted upon the poor child. I want them to suffer and understand that they have destroyed LIFE.
I want the boyfriend to find out that "The Art of Warcraft" is not a reality in which you can pretend to hurt a person. War is war, and life is life.
Those parents have destroyed life, and I blame their infatuation with cyber-violence as one of the causes of their stupidity. But, I believe the cure is to let them FEEL the pain for what they have done.
They talk about all the christian displays of forgiveness as the Amish community frankly forgave and even comforted the family of the milk man. I am impressed and very inspired by that little community.
HOWEVER
If you have been following the police case about "Baby Grace". I can't help but be angry.
(Another recap: "Baby Grace" is the unidentified 2 year old found in a plastic box in a bay in Texas. The police believed they found the parents, and the mother has admitted to tourturing and killing the little girl.)
I understand that regardless of my justification in being angry, I should let go my anger and forgive the parents of that little girl for what they did. Furthermore, they have not done ANYTHING directly to me or any of my loved ones.
That being said, I am a father, and my concience, beliefs, and love for my own little girl seem to require my outrage toward those people.
There are days when my little angel ponies up next to my ear and screems at the top of her lungs, or throws food on the floor even though she knows better, or tries to eat things that aren't intended for the digestion system, etc.
I admit, my brain has been rattled from time to time by my little Sarah. But NOTHING as come close to making me WANT to harm her.
Even the "Shaking Baby" syndrome is based on a parent wanting to stop a childs suffering, not inflict more suffering on the child.
The whole incident reminds me of the scripture "For can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee, O house of Israel. " (1st Nephi 21:15)
I've wondered since Sarah arrived in our arms, how could a woman forget her child? How could any parent not be willing to lay down their life for a child... Any child, let alone their own.
And here we have an example of a young mother participating in the actual distruction of her own child's life.
I haven't reached perfection, I know that because I want to punish the murderers. I want them to feel the pain they inflicted upon the poor child. I want them to suffer and understand that they have destroyed LIFE.
I want the boyfriend to find out that "The Art of Warcraft" is not a reality in which you can pretend to hurt a person. War is war, and life is life.
Those parents have destroyed life, and I blame their infatuation with cyber-violence as one of the causes of their stupidity. But, I believe the cure is to let them FEEL the pain for what they have done.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Pumkins for carving
This is my shameless bragging about my daughter.
See what happens when a child carves her first pumpkin.
Life's little joys
The Power of One
One little person can make a difference.
One little hug can change a life.
One little smile can change the out look of an entire day.
One little child can change the lives of their parents.
One little puppy can change the confidence of a child.
One little friend can inspire another to greatness of self that they didn't know they possessed.
The greatest things in this world start with one little thing.... Any little thing.
May I offer some examples?
Yesterday my wife and I renewed discussion on a subject that has yet to offer us anything but pain and frustration. Admittedly, last night was no different.
As we took a moment to cool the jets and try to return to the subject rationally, I was inspired.
When Lisa returned to the discussion, I reached out and hugged her.
We didn't solve our problem, but the rest of the night was brighter because instead of fighting of defending myself, I offered a hug, and trust that we could resolve the issue.
Lisa's comment was very telling of the change that had occured "If we could handle everything just like that, we could handle anything"
One more example:
Years ago I had a friend. At one point in our friendship I did him a favor. He responded with "Thanks, Bill!"
Some months later he died.
As I tried to come to grips with my grief, I remembered those two words. "Thanks, Bill". The kindness he showed me inspired me to make a life long commitment to helping others, and to become more than what I was then capable of.
Life and inspirations have continued, and my friend no longer stands as my only inspiration; but today, I want to offer in rememberance that the "Power of One", any "One", can inpact lives and worlds far beyond their comprehension.
I'm sure Dave Phillips had no idea what his simple phrase meant to me. The time was right, and the subsiquent events lead that moment to be a moment of change for me.
To anyone who reads this. Remember, the little things COUNT, excellence is gained more in the small and insignificant moments of our lives than in the moments that people see and recognize.
One little hug can change a life.
One little smile can change the out look of an entire day.
One little child can change the lives of their parents.
One little puppy can change the confidence of a child.
One little friend can inspire another to greatness of self that they didn't know they possessed.
The greatest things in this world start with one little thing.... Any little thing.
May I offer some examples?
Yesterday my wife and I renewed discussion on a subject that has yet to offer us anything but pain and frustration. Admittedly, last night was no different.
As we took a moment to cool the jets and try to return to the subject rationally, I was inspired.
When Lisa returned to the discussion, I reached out and hugged her.
We didn't solve our problem, but the rest of the night was brighter because instead of fighting of defending myself, I offered a hug, and trust that we could resolve the issue.
Lisa's comment was very telling of the change that had occured "If we could handle everything just like that, we could handle anything"
One more example:
Years ago I had a friend. At one point in our friendship I did him a favor. He responded with "Thanks, Bill!"
Some months later he died.
As I tried to come to grips with my grief, I remembered those two words. "Thanks, Bill". The kindness he showed me inspired me to make a life long commitment to helping others, and to become more than what I was then capable of.
Life and inspirations have continued, and my friend no longer stands as my only inspiration; but today, I want to offer in rememberance that the "Power of One", any "One", can inpact lives and worlds far beyond their comprehension.
I'm sure Dave Phillips had no idea what his simple phrase meant to me. The time was right, and the subsiquent events lead that moment to be a moment of change for me.
To anyone who reads this. Remember, the little things COUNT, excellence is gained more in the small and insignificant moments of our lives than in the moments that people see and recognize.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Learning Fast
Being my second posting... I have to set a tone for my blog...
Mine will probably not rival Carl's for wit, nor David's for political content.
My blog is more the sentimental ramblings of someone who's trying to act older than he is.
That being said.
Lisa and I have been married almost 4 1/2 year... Peanuts to some, but an eternity to a newly wed couple. I have to admit, they have been the BEST years of my life, bar NONE.
That being said, Lisa and I are just starting to get to know each other.
My example: I am the professional version of a high school drama king. If I'm not in a professional conflict, I'll make one.
(Sorry, Carl, I know you're the JD, but I'm the guy who keeps your classmates in the courtroom).
When Lisa and I were recently married, I needed a conflict... That conflict came first in the form of looking for employment. When employment was found, the conflict came in multiple jobs. When multiple jobs were simplified into a working schedule of study and work... I became conflicted with the push to finish a masters degree.
Life has simplified since those old days of conflict. I now have a daughter, a house, and a profession... (Now is when you stop and ask "So what's the point of this article?")
My need for conflict has not ended.
As I finished getting my CPA license, I found myself "Conflict free", so I have created one.... I built shelves in the garage, I am fixing the sink, I need to build storage facilities to better utilize the space... And FINALLY (Drum roll please), I have started telling Lisa that its time to conquer my life's ambitions.
In short, 4 1/2 years after Lisa and I married, I've just learned that Lisa wants to live life in about 90 years... I (as you may have guessed) plan on having my own funeral some time next week.
I THRIVE ON STRESS!!!
(I am comforted to know that only half the people that know I have a blog will actually read this.)
Mine will probably not rival Carl's for wit, nor David's for political content.
My blog is more the sentimental ramblings of someone who's trying to act older than he is.
That being said.
Lisa and I have been married almost 4 1/2 year... Peanuts to some, but an eternity to a newly wed couple. I have to admit, they have been the BEST years of my life, bar NONE.
That being said, Lisa and I are just starting to get to know each other.
My example: I am the professional version of a high school drama king. If I'm not in a professional conflict, I'll make one.
(Sorry, Carl, I know you're the JD, but I'm the guy who keeps your classmates in the courtroom).
When Lisa and I were recently married, I needed a conflict... That conflict came first in the form of looking for employment. When employment was found, the conflict came in multiple jobs. When multiple jobs were simplified into a working schedule of study and work... I became conflicted with the push to finish a masters degree.
Life has simplified since those old days of conflict. I now have a daughter, a house, and a profession... (Now is when you stop and ask "So what's the point of this article?")
My need for conflict has not ended.
As I finished getting my CPA license, I found myself "Conflict free", so I have created one.... I built shelves in the garage, I am fixing the sink, I need to build storage facilities to better utilize the space... And FINALLY (Drum roll please), I have started telling Lisa that its time to conquer my life's ambitions.
In short, 4 1/2 years after Lisa and I married, I've just learned that Lisa wants to live life in about 90 years... I (as you may have guessed) plan on having my own funeral some time next week.
I THRIVE ON STRESS!!!
(I am comforted to know that only half the people that know I have a blog will actually read this.)
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Being a Leader
I've always considered myself a leader among my peers. It is precisely that reason that leads me to FOLLOW everyone else I know in creating this blog.
My professional life has taught me that those who claim to lead are most likely to be two steps behind the those that honestly did start the trend. The leaders simply step in in time to take credit.
So, David, Carl, Marie, and all the other people who think you led me into this, I'll never give you credit for paving my way into the blogging world.
Stay tuned for more insights as I traverse the the perilous pathways to excellence.
My professional life has taught me that those who claim to lead are most likely to be two steps behind the those that honestly did start the trend. The leaders simply step in in time to take credit.
So, David, Carl, Marie, and all the other people who think you led me into this, I'll never give you credit for paving my way into the blogging world.
Stay tuned for more insights as I traverse the the perilous pathways to excellence.
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