Its been said that the biggest cause of depression is "Unmet expectations"... and I can't disagree with that, but on the flip side, what causes "Unmet expectations?"
I believe unmet expectation a most often caused by a lack of communication.
Today my wife and I spent 20 minutes just trying to communicate the meaning of two sentences... The one SHE thought I was saying, and the one I thought I was saying.
Likewise, I just had a conversation with someone that I am entirely certain didn't understand what I was trying to communicate. The person was very offended and upset when, I believe, had they understood, they would have laughed at the very thought of what I was trying to communicate.
Continuing the examples, communication seems to be the #1 problem up and down the food chain in my company... In fact, I've never seen a company that didn't struggle to communicate inside their hierarchy.
In my infinite, well thought out and planned way, I will answer the question that I have indirectly left hanging, "How do we communicate better so that we are communicating better?"
Answer: I DON'T KNOW!!! When you figure it out, tell me.
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The best answer I know of is "keep at it" or "practice makes perfect." Once we quit trying to improve our communication or start shutting down the lines of communication, imperfect as they become, we only guarantee that things will get worse. (Speaking as one who has his fair share of miscommunication experiences.)
Baring the obvious... In fact, bringing to light that what I asked was a retorical question. It's good to know you have the answers.
At some point in my life, I realized that most unhappiness, if not depression, was caused by unmet expectations. I never got to the point of asking what caused unmet expectations..... I just asked, what is to be done with unmet expectations. My answer was, "Lower your expectations."
Just this week I was visiting at our favorite orthodontist office with Alice, who happens to have a lot of practical experience. She said that kids (and I think it applies to grown people too) pretty much live up to the level of our expectations. Her example was the grandchild who left his stuff all over his own house but when at grandma's house he was teaching all the other (neater) grandkids how you are supposed to keep things put away and neat. This was due to Alice communicatiing what her expectations were in advance before she was disappointed.
I guess that is where we get the tie between unmet expectations and communication. My difficulty was not in the communicating, but in thinking ahead and predicting what my expecations in certain circumstances would be.
Certainly, if you lower your expectations, you would no longer be disappointed in what you expected, but I don't believe you get what you wanted.
My expectations of my home when I was grown up were way higher than the facts of what I live in. The Mom who creates a neat environment and "expects" her family to maintain that environment will be more likely to get what she expects than one who allows things to happen however they will. This is an example of the saying that "Prevention is better than Cure". I think I live in the home environment that I do mostly because I my "lowered my expectations."
That is a marvelous insight, Marilyn, I appreciate your taking the time to share it.
Its going to take some time to fully digest your example and incorporate the ideas into new concepts.
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