I received an e-mail from a friend from my old employer. The e-mail was from his personal e-mail address and said "I have some questions for you, could you call me" He then proceeded to give me his Cell phone, not his office number.
Well, I've been just far enough down the road to have an idea why.
After an exchange of messages, we connected and he immediately began asking me about the circumstances surrounding my separation from that employer. He prefaced the question with "I think I'm going to get fired." My only response was simple
"There are much bigger tragedies."
As we talked, I was brought back to the emotions of insecurity, embarrassment, anger, frustration, etc. that I experienced as I went through a vastly similar era of employment with the same employer. There are a few things I counseled him that I think should be learned from (as it took time to learn them from myself).
1. GET HAPPY. My friend isn't happy when he is unfairly judged, and neither was I, so when I said "Get out and Get happy." It made sense.
2. DON'T BE BITTER. In most bad employment situations the vast majority of employees are not the issue, it is a select few that cause the problem. Bitterness never helped anyone, so avoid it all... But, as you have to go through the emotion of bitterness and anger, at least pin point those that truly caused the feeling and release all your friends from the blame that they do not deserve... Besides, prior employers are one of your biggest references. It doesn't do to have them all hate you back. That bitterness also effects your performance, so get out of the bitterness as quickly as you can.
3. JUDGE SITUATIONS BASED ON THE FACTS. "Know thy enemy" is wise council, guessing what is happening and reacting to the guess isn't a good way to make wise decisions. Find out what is really happening and why, then you can make the best decision.
4. INSECURITY IS NORMAL AND IT MAKES YOU ACT STUPID. My friend was obviously insecure as he bragged up his credentials to me... Funny, I remember doing the same thing. I hope he can set aside the insecure feelings and get a grip before he alienates opportunities with FALSE confidence.
Just talking about the experience really got to me, emotions and opinions I thought I had buried came back. That's part of life too.
Leaving that employer has been a real challenge. I have faced new challenges moving back to Utah... I knew I would and yet I don't enjoy them any knowing they were coming. I have had to deal with defeat and learn that everyone who got fired from a job isn't a failure or a bad employee, at least I don't THINK that I'm a bad employee and apparently several potential employers agreed.
The kick in the pants that was the end of my first job out of college was probably exactly the kick in the pants I needed to not settle for mediocrity.
Christ said "...All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for they good." (D&C 122:7) Well, I'm not as judgemental, and I am growing again. I guess his promise is kept, whether I appreciate it or not.
I'm grateful that at least one being can see the beginning from the end.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Dodging the bullet
After what seems like an eternity, I'm finally finding what I like to call my "voice". Though, of course, it has very little to do with my ability to vocalize.
I'm going on nearly 2 years in my career and I've finally found some direction. (For anyone who knows me, you know I don't just "go with the flow" very well.) I've found my direction, goals, and I now see the path to achieve my ends.
Now for the history necessary to understand my "here and now".
My Senior year at USU, I realized my utter dislike for the world of "Tax", so I proptly lined up all my tax classes to finish immediately, I then took my last semester free from Tax and focused on Audit.
During my Masters year, I avoided every bit of tax I could. My plan was to simply NOT DO TAXES... Murphy, however, won another feather in his cap as I signed with my current employer. Here in Idaho, I have to split my time between tax and audit.
All things have their benefits, I pesonally find my increased knowledge of taxes and law to be a great asset to my professional world.
I have, however, in recent months, figured out how to diret my own career in stead of letting my company define it for me. Therefore, i have finally gotten to focus more and more attention on Audit instead of tax.
Yesterday, I was finishing up the audit presentation to the shareholders and the partner asked if I wanted to join him. I promptly refused citing my large load of tax work that had stalled on my desk.
Later yesterday afternoon, I ran into one of the shareholders at the store and she told me she was unwilling to go to the meeting because it would be so contentious. "Todd", the partner from my firm "would tell it like it is, and there are too many people there who don't want to hear it like it is."
It turns out, I dodged the bullet.
I'm going on nearly 2 years in my career and I've finally found some direction. (For anyone who knows me, you know I don't just "go with the flow" very well.) I've found my direction, goals, and I now see the path to achieve my ends.
Now for the history necessary to understand my "here and now".
My Senior year at USU, I realized my utter dislike for the world of "Tax", so I proptly lined up all my tax classes to finish immediately, I then took my last semester free from Tax and focused on Audit.
During my Masters year, I avoided every bit of tax I could. My plan was to simply NOT DO TAXES... Murphy, however, won another feather in his cap as I signed with my current employer. Here in Idaho, I have to split my time between tax and audit.
All things have their benefits, I pesonally find my increased knowledge of taxes and law to be a great asset to my professional world.
I have, however, in recent months, figured out how to diret my own career in stead of letting my company define it for me. Therefore, i have finally gotten to focus more and more attention on Audit instead of tax.
Yesterday, I was finishing up the audit presentation to the shareholders and the partner asked if I wanted to join him. I promptly refused citing my large load of tax work that had stalled on my desk.
Later yesterday afternoon, I ran into one of the shareholders at the store and she told me she was unwilling to go to the meeting because it would be so contentious. "Todd", the partner from my firm "would tell it like it is, and there are too many people there who don't want to hear it like it is."
It turns out, I dodged the bullet.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Communication
Its been said that the biggest cause of depression is "Unmet expectations"... and I can't disagree with that, but on the flip side, what causes "Unmet expectations?"
I believe unmet expectation a most often caused by a lack of communication.
Today my wife and I spent 20 minutes just trying to communicate the meaning of two sentences... The one SHE thought I was saying, and the one I thought I was saying.
Likewise, I just had a conversation with someone that I am entirely certain didn't understand what I was trying to communicate. The person was very offended and upset when, I believe, had they understood, they would have laughed at the very thought of what I was trying to communicate.
Continuing the examples, communication seems to be the #1 problem up and down the food chain in my company... In fact, I've never seen a company that didn't struggle to communicate inside their hierarchy.
In my infinite, well thought out and planned way, I will answer the question that I have indirectly left hanging, "How do we communicate better so that we are communicating better?"
Answer: I DON'T KNOW!!! When you figure it out, tell me.
I believe unmet expectation a most often caused by a lack of communication.
Today my wife and I spent 20 minutes just trying to communicate the meaning of two sentences... The one SHE thought I was saying, and the one I thought I was saying.
Likewise, I just had a conversation with someone that I am entirely certain didn't understand what I was trying to communicate. The person was very offended and upset when, I believe, had they understood, they would have laughed at the very thought of what I was trying to communicate.
Continuing the examples, communication seems to be the #1 problem up and down the food chain in my company... In fact, I've never seen a company that didn't struggle to communicate inside their hierarchy.
In my infinite, well thought out and planned way, I will answer the question that I have indirectly left hanging, "How do we communicate better so that we are communicating better?"
Answer: I DON'T KNOW!!! When you figure it out, tell me.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Holiday Spirit
The last few weeks I have made a concerted effort to be full of Holiday cheer.
I remember several years ago feeling "the magic" or "the Holiday Spirit" so strongly that I knew that Christmas changed the heart of people for a few simple weeks a year to truly improve mankind.
Since that Christmas, I've succumb to the "rat race"... Present, cards, gifts, commerce, etc. The Holiday's has been a time to fight back and try not to go crazy worrying about getting "enough" or "good enough" presents for the myriad of people who I'm supposed to give gifts to.
This year things are more complicated than ever. I now actually have a child of my own who I don't want to feel that she does without. The pocketbook isn't as loose because Lisa isn't working any more, and my workload has only increased exponentially in the past 6 months.
Oddly enough, it was a combination of my daughter's innocents, and commercialism that have driven me to my current euphoria.
December 1st we went tree shopping, on December 2nd we put the lights on the tree and decorated the house. That night as we tried to put our little lightning bolt to bed, was walked her through the house... Lights off, intending to show her "See, Sarah, the house is saying 'ni-night' to you." I met with the all to common realization that Little Sarah was teaching me that night. She put her head against my chest, but she didn't sleep. She stared in wonder at the hundreds of tiny lights that graced our plant shelves, mantel, and tree. she was caught up in the nutcracker, and Christmas dolls that adorn our house. She felt the wonder that I had lost.
I resolved that night to lay aside the things that get in the way of the magic. Lisa and Sarah have been my focus. We have made a wreath as a family, shopped together, laughed together, watched Christmas movies, played games, sang carols. Every night I find myself rushing home excited to see what we've got planned for tonight.
I'm finding it more fun to hold hands with Lisa, to stand outside and look at our house and its "light bill suicide". How can you want to do anything than spread that magic?
I remember several years ago feeling "the magic" or "the Holiday Spirit" so strongly that I knew that Christmas changed the heart of people for a few simple weeks a year to truly improve mankind.
Since that Christmas, I've succumb to the "rat race"... Present, cards, gifts, commerce, etc. The Holiday's has been a time to fight back and try not to go crazy worrying about getting "enough" or "good enough" presents for the myriad of people who I'm supposed to give gifts to.
This year things are more complicated than ever. I now actually have a child of my own who I don't want to feel that she does without. The pocketbook isn't as loose because Lisa isn't working any more, and my workload has only increased exponentially in the past 6 months.
Oddly enough, it was a combination of my daughter's innocents, and commercialism that have driven me to my current euphoria.
December 1st we went tree shopping, on December 2nd we put the lights on the tree and decorated the house. That night as we tried to put our little lightning bolt to bed, was walked her through the house... Lights off, intending to show her "See, Sarah, the house is saying 'ni-night' to you." I met with the all to common realization that Little Sarah was teaching me that night. She put her head against my chest, but she didn't sleep. She stared in wonder at the hundreds of tiny lights that graced our plant shelves, mantel, and tree. she was caught up in the nutcracker, and Christmas dolls that adorn our house. She felt the wonder that I had lost.
I resolved that night to lay aside the things that get in the way of the magic. Lisa and Sarah have been my focus. We have made a wreath as a family, shopped together, laughed together, watched Christmas movies, played games, sang carols. Every night I find myself rushing home excited to see what we've got planned for tonight.
I'm finding it more fun to hold hands with Lisa, to stand outside and look at our house and its "light bill suicide". How can you want to do anything than spread that magic?
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Holiday Cheer
Today I have to be glad that my readership is dedicated to no more than 4 loyal readers and very few other infrequent readers.
Yesterday was the big "Get Christmas Going!!!" day in the Miller home... I mean, THE WORKS!!! The Tree shopping, lights on the house, decorations, holly berries, pine cones, window decor.. You name it.
It wasn't such an expensive day because we bought everything last year, right??? RIGHT!!!! (Read in the Sarcasm).
After putting up everything from last year... We had to put in "what we didn't but Wanted to put in last year"... Two new strings of lights, a power cord, and various odds and ends later, we started on a new WREATH(?!!!)
The holiday's NEVER are without new additions.
So, the HUNT: (Here is where I'm glad my readership is small).
Lisa and I didn't have a christmas tree our first Christmas married... With a wopping income of $400 a month, and rent of $460, (Not to mention groceries, gas, and miscellaneous expense), we felt it wouldn't be prudent to buy a tree. So instead we bought 1 string of Christmas lights and made the shape of a christmas tree (with tape to hold the lights in place) on the wall of our one bedroom apartment. MAN DO I MISS POVERTY!!!!
On year two Lisa and I recalled the dreaded 6 hour hunt for a Christmas tree, an old Chidsey tradition that sounds neat until you realize that the Chidsey Family lives in Downtown SANDY UTAH!!!! We aren't talking about treking up the mountains to find the perfect specimen of Christmas... No, just trapsing in and out of the minivan going from tree lot to tree lot and arguing the fullness, price, and size of every tree in the lot... Only to finally get so cold you just "Point and Pay" so you can get your grumpy self back to the house and try to warm up before you die of hypothermia.
Lisa and I dedicated ourselves to the "One stop, HAPPY SHOP"... That is to say, we buy at the ONLY tree lot we stop at, and we try to keep "Jack Frost's nipping" down to a 20 minute ordeal (that includes cutting and strapping).
We made an exception this year by visiting a second, LARGER tree lot owned and operated by the same people as the first tree lot we visited this year... (Same ownership is our excuse for visiting local #2).
Still, at 10.5 minutes we had a tree picked out and we argued "Are you sure that will fit in our front room, Bill?"
"Sure, its the same price, size, shape, and fullness as the tree we got last year"
So, strap it, mortgage your first born, and off to hot cocoa we go...
When we got it into the house, it was 1.333 times the price, 1.333 times the size, and 1.333 times the fullness of last years tree... (Did I mention that it's GORGEOUS????)
So, I don't have a front room this year, but Christmas will be HAPPY anyway.
By the time we finished yesterday, I had the frostbite, the lights, the tree, the bankruptcy filing, and a WHOLE LOAD OF CHRISTMAS CHEER!!!!
Yesterday was the big "Get Christmas Going!!!" day in the Miller home... I mean, THE WORKS!!! The Tree shopping, lights on the house, decorations, holly berries, pine cones, window decor.. You name it.
It wasn't such an expensive day because we bought everything last year, right??? RIGHT!!!! (Read in the Sarcasm).
After putting up everything from last year... We had to put in "what we didn't but Wanted to put in last year"... Two new strings of lights, a power cord, and various odds and ends later, we started on a new WREATH(?!!!)
The holiday's NEVER are without new additions.
So, the HUNT: (Here is where I'm glad my readership is small).
Lisa and I didn't have a christmas tree our first Christmas married... With a wopping income of $400 a month, and rent of $460, (Not to mention groceries, gas, and miscellaneous expense), we felt it wouldn't be prudent to buy a tree. So instead we bought 1 string of Christmas lights and made the shape of a christmas tree (with tape to hold the lights in place) on the wall of our one bedroom apartment. MAN DO I MISS POVERTY!!!!
On year two Lisa and I recalled the dreaded 6 hour hunt for a Christmas tree, an old Chidsey tradition that sounds neat until you realize that the Chidsey Family lives in Downtown SANDY UTAH!!!! We aren't talking about treking up the mountains to find the perfect specimen of Christmas... No, just trapsing in and out of the minivan going from tree lot to tree lot and arguing the fullness, price, and size of every tree in the lot... Only to finally get so cold you just "Point and Pay" so you can get your grumpy self back to the house and try to warm up before you die of hypothermia.
Lisa and I dedicated ourselves to the "One stop, HAPPY SHOP"... That is to say, we buy at the ONLY tree lot we stop at, and we try to keep "Jack Frost's nipping" down to a 20 minute ordeal (that includes cutting and strapping).
We made an exception this year by visiting a second, LARGER tree lot owned and operated by the same people as the first tree lot we visited this year... (Same ownership is our excuse for visiting local #2).
Still, at 10.5 minutes we had a tree picked out and we argued "Are you sure that will fit in our front room, Bill?"
"Sure, its the same price, size, shape, and fullness as the tree we got last year"
So, strap it, mortgage your first born, and off to hot cocoa we go...
When we got it into the house, it was 1.333 times the price, 1.333 times the size, and 1.333 times the fullness of last years tree... (Did I mention that it's GORGEOUS????)
So, I don't have a front room this year, but Christmas will be HAPPY anyway.
By the time we finished yesterday, I had the frostbite, the lights, the tree, the bankruptcy filing, and a WHOLE LOAD OF CHRISTMAS CHEER!!!!
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Anger
We had a lesson Sunday on the talk given by (I believe) President Faust in the May conference regarding Anger. In that talk he retold the story of the milk man and the Amish community. (Quick recap: The milk man one day went into the little Amish school, released the boys and the teachers then shot all 10 girls killing 5 and wounding the other five. He then killed himself).
They talk about all the christian displays of forgiveness as the Amish community frankly forgave and even comforted the family of the milk man. I am impressed and very inspired by that little community.
HOWEVER
If you have been following the police case about "Baby Grace". I can't help but be angry.
(Another recap: "Baby Grace" is the unidentified 2 year old found in a plastic box in a bay in Texas. The police believed they found the parents, and the mother has admitted to tourturing and killing the little girl.)
I understand that regardless of my justification in being angry, I should let go my anger and forgive the parents of that little girl for what they did. Furthermore, they have not done ANYTHING directly to me or any of my loved ones.
That being said, I am a father, and my concience, beliefs, and love for my own little girl seem to require my outrage toward those people.
There are days when my little angel ponies up next to my ear and screems at the top of her lungs, or throws food on the floor even though she knows better, or tries to eat things that aren't intended for the digestion system, etc.
I admit, my brain has been rattled from time to time by my little Sarah. But NOTHING as come close to making me WANT to harm her.
Even the "Shaking Baby" syndrome is based on a parent wanting to stop a childs suffering, not inflict more suffering on the child.
The whole incident reminds me of the scripture "For can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee, O house of Israel. " (1st Nephi 21:15)
I've wondered since Sarah arrived in our arms, how could a woman forget her child? How could any parent not be willing to lay down their life for a child... Any child, let alone their own.
And here we have an example of a young mother participating in the actual distruction of her own child's life.
I haven't reached perfection, I know that because I want to punish the murderers. I want them to feel the pain they inflicted upon the poor child. I want them to suffer and understand that they have destroyed LIFE.
I want the boyfriend to find out that "The Art of Warcraft" is not a reality in which you can pretend to hurt a person. War is war, and life is life.
Those parents have destroyed life, and I blame their infatuation with cyber-violence as one of the causes of their stupidity. But, I believe the cure is to let them FEEL the pain for what they have done.
They talk about all the christian displays of forgiveness as the Amish community frankly forgave and even comforted the family of the milk man. I am impressed and very inspired by that little community.
HOWEVER
If you have been following the police case about "Baby Grace". I can't help but be angry.
(Another recap: "Baby Grace" is the unidentified 2 year old found in a plastic box in a bay in Texas. The police believed they found the parents, and the mother has admitted to tourturing and killing the little girl.)
I understand that regardless of my justification in being angry, I should let go my anger and forgive the parents of that little girl for what they did. Furthermore, they have not done ANYTHING directly to me or any of my loved ones.
That being said, I am a father, and my concience, beliefs, and love for my own little girl seem to require my outrage toward those people.
There are days when my little angel ponies up next to my ear and screems at the top of her lungs, or throws food on the floor even though she knows better, or tries to eat things that aren't intended for the digestion system, etc.
I admit, my brain has been rattled from time to time by my little Sarah. But NOTHING as come close to making me WANT to harm her.
Even the "Shaking Baby" syndrome is based on a parent wanting to stop a childs suffering, not inflict more suffering on the child.
The whole incident reminds me of the scripture "For can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee, O house of Israel. " (1st Nephi 21:15)
I've wondered since Sarah arrived in our arms, how could a woman forget her child? How could any parent not be willing to lay down their life for a child... Any child, let alone their own.
And here we have an example of a young mother participating in the actual distruction of her own child's life.
I haven't reached perfection, I know that because I want to punish the murderers. I want them to feel the pain they inflicted upon the poor child. I want them to suffer and understand that they have destroyed LIFE.
I want the boyfriend to find out that "The Art of Warcraft" is not a reality in which you can pretend to hurt a person. War is war, and life is life.
Those parents have destroyed life, and I blame their infatuation with cyber-violence as one of the causes of their stupidity. But, I believe the cure is to let them FEEL the pain for what they have done.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Pumkins for carving
This is my shameless bragging about my daughter.
See what happens when a child carves her first pumpkin.
Life's little joys
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